Yatta!

Like Hiro.

"Making a dramatic change that isn't reversible is always a worthy experience, and that sort of gave me the courage to do it. It's kind of wonderful to throw vanity away for a bit." -- Natalie Portman

"You don't need hair to be hot." -- um, Maxim magazine ;) on Natalie Portman

I've been nervous all day, and so far it seems the actual consequences are far less than the amount of worry I put into this. I think my worst moment was feeling the clippers hit my neck for the first time. You see, I'm quite ticklish. Nah, the worst moment was probably more when I woke up. We'll see how I feel when I wake up in the morning.

I tried to console myself last night by comparing it to my future. Nobody's going to ask or require me to do hard things from now on. As a matter of fact, people will pressure me to take the easy way out. I will be the only person driving myself. Can I do it? I was kind of hoping this would help... We'll see. I can always count back and think, "I did that... I can do this too."

Is it stupid to care so much about hair? Someone (in trying to convince me to not do it) said that identity is bound up in hair. A lot of someones, really. Why is that, exactly? I guess I'll find out. I think there's enough me left. :P Maybe it's all a question of vanity.

Speaking of which, I had a funny thought last week. I had this dress I wanted to wear before I cut off all my hair, so I did. Then someone said, "Well, why can't you still wear it with no hair?" Good question, indeed... I guess dresses don't fit my idea of someone whose leg hair may be longer than her head hair... but hey, why not?

It's interesting how I don't actually think anything of it until I look at myself in the mirror. Hopefully in a short amount of time I'll be used to it/OK with how it looks and everyone will be done commenting on it. I guess I don't look "pretty" any more, by my own standards anyhow, but that's all right. (Actually, the most atrocious thing on my face right now is the breakouts) It makes me... a lot more aware of my self-perceived "physical flaws" than before. It's weird having to confront the ugliest parts of myself (as I see them) because I can't hide any more. Analogies galore abound, but I think it's time for bed. I have found that bad situations are generally and generically best handled with sleep.

Not that this one is terrible just yet.


My best comment to this picture? I look a lot like one of the "Fan boys" now, aka my brothers. Hahaha. Or maybe like the young Spartan boy in 300.

Symbolism?

I'm jittery, haha.

9 p.m. :P

An Update

Welp, Sunday is the big day. I had to push the dates back about 4 weeks because of responsibilities that came up in between, but it's now or never.

Random interesting thoughts to come back to:

Can girls without hair still wear cute little sundresses?
Does hair represent identity? Why? If it's gone, does one lose one's identity too?
I went to a photo presentation the other day where the photographer mentioned how hair is an integral part of black culture - the fixing, the shaving, the styling. That's an interesting thought to pursue.

Anyway... *deep breath* I'm a bit jittery. =]